Open letter to my son’s – A mother’s promise

It’s no secret that when I found out I was having 2 boys, there was a little bit of “gender disapointment” followed by relief that I don’t have to go through the teenage years with 2 16 year old girls.

It was in the same breathe, I suddenly became strongly attached to my unborn sons, after months of disconnection to my pregnancy prior to our gender reveal. They were no longer babies inside me, they were Braxton and Brooks, right from the start. We knew their names before we knew their genders, including which baby would have which name.

“To my boys, I promise to first off, always love you unconditionally. I promise to show you love, affection, emotion and teach you that you’re allowed to show and feel all the same things. I promise to teach you it’s okay to cry, and be the shoulder to cry on when you need it. I promise to never come from a place of judgement, but ask “why?” and to truly listen. I promise I will never let you down, and will advocate for you in any way possible. And when you’re old enough, I promise to teach you to advocate for yourself, and stand behind you when you need the push, and beside you when my help. I promise to let you choose between sports, the arts or whatever our heart desires without placing my own interests first. I promise to let you have mega blocks, but dollies too. I promise to teach you how to love and respect a woman, and I promise to teach you how to be the best your best self you can be for your future wife or husband. I promise to not project my childhood traumas onto you, but to better myself and grow from them. I will teach you it’s okay to have self doubt and a pity party, but I’ll teach you the tools to pick yourself right back up. I will teach you my infamous line , it takes $0 to be a good person. I promise to kick your ass when you’re not trying hard enough, and push you to be better. But I promise to come at it from a place of love and understanding. I will teach you morals, values, right from wrong, and that it’s okay to make mistakes, but I promise to ask you, what can we learn from this. I promise to bring light to the dark times in your life, and acknowledge your hardships. I promise to love you both, even when you can’t love yourself. I promise to be the absolute best mom I can be, and someday’s I know that means just showing up.

Most of all, I promise to never let you forget how much we love you and not let a day go by where I don’t remind you.

Birth Story

Let’s back track a few days! Well even a few weeks or months.

Upon meeting with our mfm(maternal fetal specialist specializing in high risk pregnancy and monochorionic/diamniotic twins) we were advised the chance of a vaginal delivery would be quite low. Simply because most twins are c section, and you deliver all modi twins in an operating room even if you choose a vaginal birth due to the high chance of it ending in c section for both or one baby. This wasn’t a risk either of us wanted to take and decided from the start a c section was the way to go.

To be completely transparent with you, I was WAY more terrified of giving birth vaginally than a c section anyways. The labour, delivery, the risks all scared me and I knew what would be best for our babies was the safest and fastest route out.

Around 28 weeks or so, both babies presented head down and ready to go for a vaginally delivery. At which point our mfm DID offer to vaginally deliver if we chose too. I left that appointment pondering it, but ultimately at our next weeks appointment told him we still had chosen to go with a c section.

Around 30 weeks or so, our c section was booked for November 15th at 2:00pm. This was it, this was what we thought would be our children’s birthday! An amazing moment yet absolutely terrifying to have an “end date” to the pregnancy.

Around 32 weeks, the Doctors started to notice the babies growth slowing down. It was decided we would continue to track their growth bi weekly and see my mfm twice weekly for NSTs to ensure the babies were still doing okay in there while the grew just a little more.

Side note: After our laser ablation( I will do a separate post about TTTS and our fetal surgery) we were warned 50% of pregnancies do not go further than 27-32 weeks, and that we should be prepared to be lumped into that 50%.

My doctor was pleasantly surprised that each week I visited we still were in good health and able to continue on with the pregnancy. But 33 weeks came, and the babies slowed down growth even more and baby B had practically stopped growing at all. At this point, I was advised to come back on Friday of that week for another NST and ultrasound to ensure good health, and be prepared to possibly be admitted.

Friday came, babies and I were still doing well, heart rates were good and their BPP(movement, practise breathing monitoring) was all still relatively good. So he said go home for the weekend, and come back Monday for my admission. A new plan was made, and a new c section date was given. November 7th, 2019. That would bring me to 34 weeks 3 days. By the standard of care, mono/di twins are delivered within week 3, usually 36 + 6 due to the chance of placental deterioration and other complications.

I slept that whole weekend. A. Because twin pregnancy is insane on the body. It was extremely tiring to just breathe. B. It would be the last chance I would get any sleep for months and years to come.

Monday the 4th came, I went for my pre op appointment where I met with a nursing team and anesthesiologist, and had bloodwork taken. I was informed here I was going to be given a spinal block for pain rather than an epidural because it would wear off sooner. This was the only part of my c section I was genuinely nervous about. A needle in and around my spine scared out of me. I met with my mfm one more time, he admitted me for constantly monitoring for the next 3 days until it was GO time. This was the most depressing time. I felt like a caged in animal stuck in the hospital while all I wanted was to be home.

Now, to the birth story! Joel came to stay with me the night before just in case they moved my time up, and there was also apparently a snow storm coming that following morning. The poor amazing soul slept on the hard cold hospital floor with only a few blankets under him. What a champ.

I was so hungry and thirsty because I had to stop drinking at midnight. Not even ice chips were allowed! Around 11am, they came to take more bloodwork, start my IV, and get me slowly prepped for my 2pm surgery time.

Around 1pm, I was wheeled down from my room in ward 4C, to labour and delivery! It started to become very real that we would be meeting our children very soon. We were taken into a labour room to wait together alone while they finished up other surgeries. Joel got prepped and got into his surgical scrubs. I was then given medication to help nausea during surgery and antibiotics were started.

2:50pm, I was in the OR being prepped for my surgery. Joel had to wait outside while they got me on the table, and gave me my spinal.

The spinal injection itself was a piece of cake. It was the effects of the spinal that were less than pleasant. My heart-rate dropped, I was shaking uncontrollably, feeling faint, and vomiting. The anesthesiologist administered another medication, and I slowly started to feel better. Joel was then brought into the OR.

They gave me no warning the surgery was actually starting, until I felt the pressure of them inside. I felt much more than I thought I would. Hand in mine, Joel was amazing in there. 3:22pm, we heard that cry. A cry of our first born baby, Braxton William Joel Templeton, followed by Brookson Scott James at 3:23pm. We both just cried.

The babies were immediately taken into the infant stabilization room, without us for respiratory support and to get their vitals, weight etc done. They continued to work on me, while we were able to text our family that they had made their safe arrival. This is where things got even more painful. I felt so much pressure and discomfort, they kept pushing more and more pain killers. Soon after, it was over.

My wonderful mfm and surgeon Dr. Ormond has safely got our boys through pregnancy and surgery. All I could do was thank him for everything, and he looked at me and said, “ I think it’s a relief for all of us”. I could not be more thankful for that man and all the care over those 8 months and those few hours. He was instrumental in these boys being here.

Post surgery, things got rough. I became throwing up again. Ice chips, water, ginger ale nothing would stay down. They kept giving me mediations and Gravol to help, but nothing but time helped. Puking with a fresh c section incision was no joke. It was the most excruciating, burning sensation.

Labour and delivery is an interesting experience. You will still bleed vaginally with a c section… trust me. They used what all I can describe them as puppy pee pads(look and size). They then do a wonderful “uterine massage” AGAIN, holy shit the pain. Here comes the next fun part, learning to hand express colostrum for breastfeeding. I was still on pain killers and puking through all of this. The nurse and Joel helped hand express the colostrum for me( again, Joel was an absolute god sent) and thank god he managed to not get grossed out from the post partum experience( for all I know 😩🤷🏼‍♀️)

After a few hours, I was taken back to the overflow room, where I met my boys for the first time. I got to touch their hands, and see them. But unable to hold at that time. I was then taken to my room for further recovery until I was able to get feeling back in my legs. Joel went to get us food. Roast beef sandwiches from Tally Ho and they were glorious. We napped for about an hour until the feeling returned to my legs.

Around 1030pm or so, Joel was able to wheel me down in a wheelchair finally see them again and hold my boys for the first time. I was able to do skin to skin with Brookson( pictures to follow the story) while Joel did skin to skin with Braxton.

That whole moment was so magical for all of us. As was our labour and delivery experience.

I would have another c section again in a heartbeat. It truly was an incredible experience, puking and all. I am a c section mom, and that’s okay.